Most men find it difficult to talk about their feelings and emotions. Usually, you will hear men conversing about football, video games, in appropriate humor and work related issues. On the contrary, women press on with their issues. They want to be heard and reminded frequently that they are loved and they are not alone, in whatever problem they are facing.
Some women will label their husbands or boyfriends as callous. This simply means that they are emotionally hardened or insensitive to suffering or feelings of others. This is not always the case in significant number of cases since men prefer to deal with their own issues.
A man will tend to solve his own problems and if it happens that he cannot find a solution he will then disclose the problem to a trusted loved one to get a possible solution or just to clear off his mind.
Generally, men get out of their caves to share an issue if they cannot find a solution themselves or if they highly trust and share a strong bond with a person.
Men opt not to speak out about their feelings because of the following reasons;
They are bred in society where men are not supposed to cry.
Tears are viewed as a sign of weakness in the boy child. They are reminded from a tender age that ‘mwanaume ni kukaa ngumu.’ This kind of societal setting portrays men as emotionally strong beings and are not encouraged to fully express their fears and pain.
They love solving their own problems.
Men dislike seeking for help. They want to figure out everything for themselves. The act of being able to solve a problem is a big celebration in their hearts that only a fellow man would understand.
They have seen their fathers do the same.
The nearest role models for men are their fathers, godfathers and uncles. We hardly see our fathers either speak about their emotions or ask for advice. Fathers do care for their sons’ feelings but normally do not do it openly. This is because they are trying to toughen them up to be less vulnerable. These men are likely to succeed in a world that is driven by results that people worry less about how one feels about things.
Men are considered to have a heart of gold and problem solvers.
Men tend to withdraw from sharing their feelings and emotions in relationships where they are expected to be not only their own problem solvers but also solve everyone’s problem. In such a system, there is no motivation for them to open up.
An unhealthy environment to open up would comprise men who treat and are treated by their partners as being equally strong and responsible for each other.
Sometimes their ego does not allow.
Men are wired differently from women biologically. They are hesitant to express their feelings and share their problems since they may be viewed as more vulnerable by their loved ones or other people. They think that their level of respect will reduce if they dare open up so they would rather keep quiet instead of having their ego tampered with.
To protect their loved ones and not burdening them with emotional baggage
Making an effort to air out feelings and emotions to someone requires a lot of trust. Men can open up to people who they can trust with their life. Albeit, when a man loves and cares deeply about a woman he may not share his problems probably because he feels he would be protecting his loved one and not putting her through emotional baggage.
They are expected to do much and so put under a lot of pressure
Sometimes women forget that men are put under pressure. Nature has made us assume that some roles are part of their responsibility. Men are expected to make the first move and ask a girl out, therefore being exposed to rejection. They are also supposed to choose a place to take her on a date.
Moreover, they are required to magically know when to initiate a romantic move and the appropriate timing to propose. For this reason, it is possible for men to shy off or choose to keep their feelings to themselves for fear of rejection. Whenever a man faces rejection, he will slow down, bounce back and try it next.
Fear of getting judged.
In most cases men have difficulty in expressing any sort of emotions. It does not only apply ‘when in love’ but in different situations .Men are very reluctant concerning sharing their emotional baggage because they fear being judged.
Although men dislike talking about their own feelings they totally, tolerate and accept this kind of talk coming from women. Men view expressing of true feelings and emotions as a form of complaining or whining about nothing.