“ Well, how did it go?” she asked with her most exciting voice. “What do you think?” I said with a low tone. “ I’ll take it went down not as planned huh!” she said.
“ It was a waste of my time. Nothing has felt right after that moment.” I finally said. There was a moment of silence between us. Maybe the shock would send her to depression too.
“Want to talk about it?” she finally asked. “Not really. I want to cry about it for a few weeks and ill be good.” I uttered. Not sure what I said but she burst out laughing and for some reason I was getting more mad. The least I wanted to hear was someone laugh. “Are you done?” I asked impatiently.
“Not to be rude but I’ll take my laughter back after your head is back in the game. Can you fast forward the crying session for like five minutes though because weeks just doesn’t sound right.” she said.
“Its not that easy…..and you wouldn’t understand.” I harshly said. This time her face was so calm I couldn’t picture how she’s taking all these bad news in. This was like a crossing bridge for us and I had lost it. “I set my bar too high to not see this disappointment ahead. I’m sorry I let you down.” I muttered. “Are you not going to say anything?” I questioned freaking out she was now probably mad too. I have never known how to gauge her. Its either shes too much of this or too calm about that, but today I couldn’t decide.
“ What makes you think I’m mad at you? I care less if it was a success or not. All I care is that you finally woke up from your bubble and you tried and it doesn’t really matter whether you failed or passed. This is life. None of us has the ability to know how far we can go until we test our own limits. You my little sister did that and I couldn’t be any more proud. Sometimes all we have to do is try. Trust me failures are out there ready to attack you and you getting back up is your only solution. Its either you try and fail again next time and I’ll still be here to remind you its not the end of life as long as you have taken one step ahead or you could go back to your comfy bubble and lag behind three steps back. You choose.”
Something about her words just hit differently, makes me question why she never went to law school, no shes too empathetic for court. I think to myself.
“When you go to your room and curl and cry about this tiny spec of thorns that life threw at you today, I want you to look in the mirror and choose to try again,choose to stay where your heart so much desires, choose to embrace the pain,the failure, choose to look dumb and stupid one more time. Fight that gravity inside even when its still raining. You didn’t build up this wall for you to break it down in a matter of minutes. You are better than people’s approval, or people’s thoughts and opinions, you are better than someone ruining your day with one sentence. What I’m saying is you have power to overcome all these. I’m the happiest when I see you grow because only in such moments do you grow and bloom. You have that strength, find it. This not only applies to your terrible Thursday but also in being consistent to your true self, in your work place, friendships, love life and all those other things I don’t know about you. It’s okay for you to be so lost and being not sure of where you stand. So what if you failed today? What about tomorrow? That’s not how we dwell. This is the tiniest of your setbacks and yes it actually matters.” She said.
Maybe this is what I just needed to hear today.Her wise mind speak to existence.
“Always choose to try. Its unlimited, also can you not cry for a whole week we’re not having a mourning session in this house.” We both laugh to that silly joke. “Yeah, a week is to long for pity party.” I finally talk after a while. “How are you this strong?” I question. “Oh! You know, you just have to befriend life and accept what it brings. You don’t question, you deal with it.” she said smiling. I really did need this. Someone to remind me how to be back in the game.
“Want to help me in the kitchen or are you still having a pity party in your head?” she interrupts my thoughts.” I can cook for us today.” I say proudly. “Fries or Vegetables?” I ask as we both laugh knowing too well the answer to that.